Would you pretend
by ElenDome
Summary: 'Grimm, please, if I explain to you what I want, would you pretend... just pretend that there is some, at least one tiny tiny bit of humanity still in there...' 'What, like, role playing?.' Set after 'Arrancar: Downfall arc'; Ichigo is 29, never got his powers back and is struggling with what he feels is a purposeless and meaningless life. Slight OOC, M, language, GrimmIchi -By N.


**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Tite Kubo, which I find extremely unfair. Except for Orihime. He can keep her.

**Would you pretend**

»Aaaaw pleeeaaaasseee, mommy said we can gooooo!«

Big blue eyes stared at him and little boy was on the verge of tears. Ichigo sighed and lowered himself, so he could take a good look at the little screamer. »Yes she did. But she didn't say anything about going today now, did she_?« Little Minoru's obsession with the arcade already went too far. It's not normal for a six year old to hold some of the highest scores in video games, even if it is only pac-man._

The boy was quiet for a moment and looked deep in thought, then a wide grin spread across his face as he grabbed Ichigo's hand: »Then we go tommorrow!«

Ichigo stood up mumbling something about lawyers in the making when he felt a gentle tug on his jacket. »Yes Emi, what is it?«

Little girl grabbed his other hand and pulled him to the opposite direction towards the shop window. »Look! Princesses!« Ichigo and Minoru followed and Ichigo couldn't help himself but smile. While Emi rambled on about how pretty those god-awful dolls were, he caught a reflection of the siblings and himself. Both kids were sprouting reddish hair, Minoru's a bit darker compared to his sister's, who was proudly flipping around her sunset hued locks. _Just like her mother._ The reflection was a bit overwhelming, seeing himself holding those little hands in his and barely stopping from pretending... _Oh for fuck's sake it's just the hair, it's not like they resemble..._

»Come on kids, mommy's making lunch and we sure don't want to keep her waiting, right?« There was just a hint of restrain in his voice, nothing normal six years old kids would pick up on.

With surprisingly small amount of protests Emi tore away from the shop window and Minoru was already loudly making plans how he is going to 'destroy the green one after lunch'.

They slowly walked down the street to the parking lot, where Ichigo left his metallic gray SUV. When he made sure the kids were safely buckled up in the backseat, he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

Navigating through the streets of Karakura that he knew all too well, he remembered a stack of papers in the trunk of his car. His mind still dwelled on some numbers that didn't quite add up no matter how many times he went through. _And yet again, I'm in for a long night of work._

He wasn't lazy or slacking off, he was actually pretty good at working his position in accounting department in one of those big firms nobody really wants to work for but they do it anyway, which resulted in more and more paperwork for him. _I should take Renji's offer and just move back to Soul Society and live there. And do paperwork. Just like here. It's not like I can do much more, with no powers at all. Fighting... dear god, no._ Ichigo violently shook his head and blocked the thought out. He was powerless, 29 years old ex-vizard whose main objective in life, after saving all the Karakura, no, preferably all the worlds of the living and dead and defeating one of the most powerful beings ever in one of the most epic battles ever while sacrificing all of his powers, was now to look at those cursed numbers and making sure they add up. _This world is a burden to me, but if I leave for Seireitei, I'll be a burden to that world. Yup, life sucks just like that._

Driving down the street of one of the most prestigious parts of Karakura he slowed down and pulled into the small paved courtyard in front of a not-so-small house. A beautiful red haired woman was standing on the porch and waiting for them.

The kids jumped out of the car and ran to her. She was positively glowing when she saw them rushing to her and hugged them tightly, then she raised her head and looked at Ichigo, smile still plastered on her face.

»Thank you, Kurosaki-kun, you're a life saver. I was running late from work today and Kaito had a bad case of hardware illnesses of their servants and you are kind of the only one who works in the next district of our kindergarden...«

Ichigo stepped out of the car and handed her two little bags that kids left in the backseat. Smiling, always smiling.

»I'm sure you mean that Kaito is fixing servers after some programming malfunction but what do I know. Anyway, say hi to him OK? It was nice to see you, Orihime.«

The beautiful woman bowed a little. »Yes, Kurosaki-kun, you too. Would you like to come in? I have...« she stopped mid-sentence, remembering that there's no point. They all have been inviting him over, not just her. Ishida, Chad, Tatsuki and Keigo, even Mizuiro tried to get him to his wife's birthday party, only to be faced with a very polite version of Ichigo Kurosaki's middle finger. Over and over they tried but as time flew by, they limited the invitations to every week, then month, then just birthdays and anniversaries and eventually, the only thing left were about five missed calls every year on his birthday.

_I won't mess with their lives again, that is staying behind. Forever._ »Thank you Orihime, but I am kind of in a hurry, have homework, you know.« Orihime smiled at his poor attempt of a half-joke-half-reference to his excuses from high school, when he was all immersed into the shinigami business and his friends had no idea where he was disappearing all the time.

»Okay then, Kurosaki-kun. Thank you again for picking up the kids and please, don't be a stranger. Call or...« for a short moment, Orihime resembled that naive girl from high school, and Ichigo could crack a more honest smile now. He wanted to say something, when Orihime's face hardened just a little: »... but then again, you probably won't.« She straightened herself a bit and took a breath a little deeper then usual. She now resembled a true owner of a large chain of restaurants and a successful manager, a true lady. »We're still here for you. I wish you could see that.«

Ichigo was kind of annoyed now. This is the first time they saw eachother after a brief meeting at his firm four months ago, which is now taking care of her restaurants' paperwork and every _fucking_ time things go down this road. _They don't need me. They didn't need me in the first place, messing around with shinigami and awakening their powers, they really didn't need to be put in mortal danger by the age of sixteen and be hurt and injured more times than average special ops squad in a lifetime. They were hit, cut, kidnapped, tortured, ridiculed, improsoned and it had to end. Even if my powers somehow magically return, they will have their own just as fulfilling lifes to lead. They fought like soldiers but they are no soldiers, they never were. I was a soldier by choice, I made that decision no matter how much credit others wanted to take... But am one no more. _

Ichigo paused his reeling thoughts a little and took a deep breath. _He never forgets to remind me of that. He is still a soldier._ _Him_, Ichigo's dangerous but beautiful secret and another reason, why he distanced himself from his high school friends. _They should have all the normal they could get. _

For some years now, Ichigo wanted normal so badly, he wanted someone in his life, someone warm and loving, someone steady, someone to come home to. As he was driving home his thoughts again strayed to Him. He was far from caring or warm. Hell, _He_was one of the most sadistic, animalistic beings Ichigo had known. _Everything He does is for himself only and yet... he comes around more often these days, maybe... just maybe he will be there when I come home. Then I can pretend it's all normal and shit._

Ichigo parked in a garage beneath the building he lived in, took an elevator to floor 23, retrieved the keys from his briefcase and let himself into the appartment.

»Hey honey, I'm home...« Ichigo chuckled to himself. Of course noone was there to greet him.

Feeling a slight sting of disappointment, Ichigo grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat on the couch. Planning on getting some work done before he literally collapsed on the bed, he took some papers from the briefcase, put on his reading glasses and started scanning the numbers again. Lack of sleep, constant stress and a quite tiring visit to his boss' office that day took its tool and soon Ichigo was dozing off.

Sleeping soundly he didn't register a slight change in spiritual pressure as there, in the middle of the room, a garganta opened. A certain someone stepped through it and headed towards the couch, garganta simply closing behind him.

»Oy!« something kicked the couch and Ichigo jumped up, eyes wide open.  
»What the...?«

The newcomer grinned and stuck his tongue out to trace his sharp canines: »Awww is little Bewwy sweepin'? Come on, get up, the fun can start just about...«

»No.«

The new guy's grinning face morfed into a frown. He bent over a little so his face was closer to Ichigo's. »Since when can you produce a spine? I'm horny, you have means to fix that. Now turn around and let me introduce myself to that tight ass of yours. Again.« he added with a ferocious grin. He seemed to change emotions with a snap of the fingers but Ichigo knew better. This arrancar, this blue-haired beautiful, god-like monster didn't have feelings, at least not human ones. He existed purely on predator instincts, he had no remorse, no mercy, no regrets. He didn't know affection, love or even loyalty, but he perfectly understood his needs and desires, hesitating not even for a second to fulfill them. _The only thing that is stopping him from jumping me right here and now and taking me so mercilessly I would probably wind up dead is his desire of coming back for more. _

Ichigo hated him with all he had, he would crawl under a rock and hide there forever if he could, just so that he wouldn't be able to see this devilish blue eyes again. And yet, if he could, he would stick his Zangetsu right through his ripped abdomen and tear him in half and he would proceed on cutting him into the tiniest pieces so that there would be nothing left of his sinfully shaped body... he loathed him and yet, he envied the man. He was powerful, so powerful. He used his power just the way it suited him, not being held back by morals or feelings. This man was as free as it gets and sometimes, while they were together, Ichigo felt some of the freedom, like for the first time in his life, he is doing something just for himself.

»Grimmjow, my head hurts...«

»Oy, I ain't fucking you in the head berry, why should I care...«

Ichigo sighed and stood up, went to the drawers and started to look for a painkiller. »So what brings your ego around? This is like the seventh time in four days... If I didn't know better I would say you miss me.«

Grimmjow threw himself on the couch and streched like a spoiled cat. »Wanna know why I come back? Since you cannot follow me to Hueco Mundo anymore I'm kind of free of after-sex bitching and you somehow logistically became the best fuck ever. Don't have to hold back you know.«

Ichigo turned and just stared. _Really? After all this time he is still surprised that Grimmjow is just a psycho in it for sex? REALLY?_ He was really angry, all the frustrations just kind of boiled over and he snapped: »Oh for fuck's sake Grimmjow! Would it kill you if you shut your mouth if you don't have anything human to say? I am trying to understand that you are a hollow but holy fuck am I still human and still have a fucking headache about it! Believe me, all the bitching is tiring for me too and if I could, I would make my sorry ass supernatural again so I would stop being stuck here in this fucking world and BELIEVE ME I would follow you to Hueco Mundo not to whine and bitch but to KICK YOUR FAGGOT ASS JUST AS I DID LAST TIME!« He was panting heavily and his eyes were burning from the tears he held back. Grimmjow turned his head slowly and looked at him. With a quick step of sonido he approached Ichigo and pinned him against the wall. He bent over enough just to blow some air in Ichigo's face.

»Chill, Kurosaki. Since when did you grow a vagina? You know I'm not a fan...« Ichigo looked in those heavenly blue eyes that he hated just as much as he adored them.

»Grimm... I want to be just like you. An emotionless bastard. Please, leave me alone...« his words were cut off when he felt a hot tongue tracing a line from his ear to the collar of his shirt.

»It's in the way, could you take this off?«

Ichigo was panting heavily again but not becouse of previous reasons and tried to obey. Unfortunately, Grimmjow wasn't the most patient person in the world so he grabbed Ichigo's shirt and tore it off. The next second his hands were all over Ichigo as he kissed him fiercely. His berry was lacking some fire today but he really couldn't care less. He only stopped for a second when he moved his mouth from Ichigo 's and moved it to his cheeks... there was a strange taste, salty and bitter and tasted suspiciously like tears.

Ichigo's hands reached around Grimmjow's neck. Tentatively at first, but then it felt like something in Ichigo broke. He lunged forward and tightened his grip around blue-haired espada. Since he lost his powers he knew that Grimmjow could brush him off like a flake of dust but he didn't care. He just desperately needed some sort of comfort, some sort of contact so that he can, even just for a second, pretend to be loved and wanted in all the right ways. _Please Grimmjow, raise those hands and hug me properly, please, just for a little..._ before he could stop he let out a full blown sob.

Grimmjow's eyes widened: »Ok Ichigo what the fuck...«

»Please, Grimmjow...« Ichigo barely whispered. He didn't really know what he expected but somehow this arrancar's insensitivity hurt him more than usual. »Grimm, please, if I explain to you what I want, would you pretend... just pretend that there is some, at least one tiny tiny bit of humanity still in there...«

»What, like, role playing?«

Ichigo somehow forgot to breathe. _Stupid._ He let go of Grimmjow a little so he could look in his eyes. _Stupid, stupid._ Those otherwordly blue eyes were now serious and just looking at him expectantly.

»I suppose I can do that. Soooo... OK, I'm gonna need some pointers here.«

Ichigo just stared incredulousely and stayed quiet. _Stupid, stupid, so so stupid..._

»Is there something I have to do or say...? C'mon berry, you wanted that in the first place, don't get all stupid on me now.«

Ichigo winced at the word but stayed silent. He slowly leaned himself back against the wall and closed his eyes. _I am stupid, so stupid it's not even measureable, so idiotic, naive and childish, so so fucking stupid..._ He let out a bitter chuckle.

Grimmjow cocked his head a bit and crooked a smile. »Oh, I know, I know I heard it somewhere!« He now looked quite pleased with himself as he leaned closer to Ichigo's face and whispered: »What is it again... something like... _I love you_ Ichigo...«

Ichigo's legs could not hold him anymore. He just slid down the wall and started laughing... yes, he really was some special case of stupid. _But it will have to do, to be enough... at least for today._ Ichigo's thoughts were interrupted by a fierce kiss that, just for today, will take Ichigo back to sweet oblivion.


End file.
